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    Funny Things Found on the Net or in Emails...


    Number of posts : 327
    Age : 36
    Location : Bedford
    Registration date : 2009-02-10

    Funny Things Found on the Net or in Emails...

    Post by DarkLogic on Tue Feb 24, 2009 4:04 pm

    Foudn this on another forum! The Guy actually wrote this out himself...

    Dear Cretins,
    I have been an NTL customer since 9th
    July 2001, when I signed up for
    your 3-in-one deal for cable TV, cable
    modem, and telephone. During this
    three-month period I have encountered
    inadequacy of service which I had
    not previously considered possible, as
    well as ignorance and stupidity
    of monolithic proportions. Please allow me
    to provide specific details,
    so that you can either pursue your professional
    perogative, and seek to
    rectify these difficulties - or more likely (I
    suspect) so that you can
    have some entertaining reading material as you
    while away the working
    day smoking B&H and drinking vendor-coffee on the
    bog in your office:
    My initial installation was cancelled without warning,
    resulting in my
    spending an entire Saturday sitting on my fat arse waiting
    for your
    technician to arrive. When he did not arrive, I spent a further 57

    minutes listening to your infuriating hold music, and the even more

    annoying Scottish robot woman telling me to look at your helpful

    I alleviated the boredom by playing with my t..ticles
    for a few minutes
    - an activity at which you are no-doubt both familiar and
    highly adept.
    The rescheduled installation then took place some two weeks
    although the technician did forget to bring a number of vital tools -

    such as a drill-bit, and his cerebrum. Two weeks later, my cable modem

    had still not arrived. After 15 telephone calls over 4 weeks my modem

    arrived... six weeks after I had requested it, and begun to pay for it.

    I estimate your internet server's downtime is roughly 35%... hours

    between about 6pm -midnight, Mon-Fri, and most of the weekend. I am

    still waiting for my telephone connection. I have made 9 calls on my

    mobile to your no-help line, and have been unhelpfully transferred to a

    variety of disinterested individuals, who are it seems also highly

    skilled bollock jugglers.
    I have been informed that a telephone line is
    available (and someone
    will call me back); that no telephone line is
    available (and someone
    will call me back); that I will be transferred to
    someone who knows
    whether or not a telephone line is available (and then
    been cut off);
    that I will be transferred to someone (and then been
    redirected to an
    answer machine informing me that your office is closed);
    that I will be
    transferred to someone and then been redirected to the
    Scottish robot woman...and several other variations on this
    Doubtless you are no longer reading this letter, as you have at least
    thousand other dissatisfied customers to ignore, and also another one of

    those crucially important t..ticle-moments to attend to. Frankly I don't

    care, it's far more satisfying as a customer to voice my frustration's

    in print than to shout them at your unending hold music. Forgive me,

    therefore, if I continue.
    I thought BT were s.it, that they had attained
    the holy piss-pot of godawful
    customer relations, that no-one, anywhere,
    ever, could be more
    disinterested, less helpful or more obstructive to
    delivering service to
    their customers. That's why I chose NTL, and because,
    well, there isn't
    anyone else is there? How surprised I therefore was, when
    I discovered
    to my considerable dissatisfaction and disappointment what a
    shower of bastards you truly are. You are sputum-filled pieces of

    distended rectum incompetents of the highest order.
    British Telecom -
    w..nkers though they are - shine like brilliant beacons
    of success, in the
    filthy puss-filled mire of your seemingly limitless
    inadequacy. Suffice to
    say that I have now given up on my futile and
    foolhardy quest to receive any
    kind of service from you. I suggest that
    you cease any potential future
    attempts to extort payment from me for
    the services which you have so
    pointedly and catastrophically failed to
    deliver - any such activity will be
    greeted initially with hilarity and
    disbelief quickly be replaced by
    derision, and even perhaps bemused
    rage. I enclose two small deposits,
    selected with great care from my
    cats litter tray, as an expression of my
    utter and complete contempt for
    both you and your pointless company. I
    sincerely hope that they have not
    become desiccated during transit - they
    were satisfyingly moist at the
    time of posting, and I would feel
    considerable disappointment if you did
    not experience both their rich aroma
    and delicate texture. Consider them
    the very embodiment of my feelings
    towards NTL, and its worthless
    Have a nice day - may it be
    the last in you miserable short life, you
    irritatingly incompetent and
    infuriatingly unhelpful bunch of *****.

      Current date/time is Fri Jan 18, 2019 10:01 am